There are days where this concept completely stumps me... Full time job, full time student, working hard to make rent payments, finding creative ways to stay nourished (i.e. eating Ramen in particularly odd ways) and to top all that off finding time to be social and date... Yeah sounds like a great place to be and all... But I will take the fast forward 5 years option where I am on way to getting married or married with a great teaching job in a home I love. Thank you. The end.
But today I was talking to my best friend and strength in this world, my mom. We were talking about some family members we were particuallry concerned about and then the conversation took a turn discussing where I have been...
My journey the past few years has been rough, humbling, amazing, awful...an awakening of my soul really. Now that sounds really lame an cliche... But here are a few Pinterest quotes that have really rung true in my life because of my refining journey:
1.
This is where I have faltered all too often in my life. I grew up in a home with a father who had a plan for everything and to this day still does. It has proved very beneficial in our lives and we are all grateful for how prepared he seems to be. But it wasn't until the last year that I realized that my dad also implemented something so powerful that I completely missed. He always trusted in the Lord and His timing and not His own. Something I now implement into my life oh so strictly (and maybe because I am scared of the alternatives...) is that I wait until I know for sure Heavenly Father is guiding me somewhere. In the past, I have been all too quick to try and fit my plan into His plan. I wanted so badly for the things I was trying to make happen to HAPPEN! And at times I succeeded...but may I add with much consequence and pain. Ever since I have adopted this principle into my life, I have been at peace daily with where I am.
2.
Like I said I tried so hard to force my plan on the Lord and be happy dangit! And there was a short period of time after my plans went through that I was happy...emphasis on short... Heavenly Father knows what he is doing and we need to remember that He has our best interest at heart. He never intends for us to make mistakes big or small, but when we do, He sees them as teaching opportunities. The past 3 years of my life have been "The School of Eternal Happiness" for me. It taught me so many hard lessons that I needed to learn. Including the lesson of repentance and the significance of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. I used to see repentance as a shameful thing and as something that was to be looked down upon. But that was such a terribly wrong mentality. It is something that is to be celebrated because whomever is taking that step to repent and restore a relationship with the Father is taking steps towards salvation! What a beautiful thing that is. I now see repentance as step towards a new beginning. Heavenly Father will forgive you over and over again, all you need to do is show Him your devotion. I used to think that was hard but who has ever been sad while living the doctrine of Jesus Christ?! In the midst of my despair I found a strength inside of me that I had only heard of before in books, and I decided that I was not going to end up like this. I was going to change my story. So I started a new chapter in my life.... I devoted my life to Him.
3.
I have been so incredibly happy sine I made that commitment to my Father in Heaven. But I can't say that there hasn't been ups and downs. Satan has this impeccable way of making you feel like all of your mistakes define you and your future forever. He will make you feel like you can never fully bounce back. This is a roadblock I have hit many times in my life but when I finally realized that this just is not true, I was finally free! I realized that I was locking myself in a prison my my mistakes. The freedom I have felt is not only liberating but so humbling at the same time. Heavenly Father will never define you by your mistakes... You are His son or daughter... He loves you! Remember that and you will learn to love yourself unconditionally as well.
4.
5.
Through my short life that has been filled stubborn acts and refusal to do things the right way, I have had some very large wake up calls which have caused some of the deepest pain I ever hope to experience and I would never wish on anyone. This is the pain of a true broken heart in every sense. For a while I let that broken heart define who I was and dictate my actions. But when I finally made that commitment to put the Lord first and myself second, I found a strength within I never knew existed. I never thought it was possible to make it through what I have been through but when I re-aligned my priorities, the strength came and I began to heal my broken heart. I do not claim that strength to be mine... It came from the comfort and unconditional love of the Savior. Our elder brother is so aware of us, we only need to seek out His love and He will be there and miracles will happen.
6.
This scripture may seem to be a strange fit in all of this but for my journey it is extremely applicable. I Timothy and II Timothy in the New Testament if the Bible have been some of my favorite works of scripture. When I am looking for a spiritual lift, I turn here first. After I went through all of my trials, I have had a hard time not letting emotional walls up. I am very good at not letting people in and when I do let them in, I am very cautious and at times I even freak out a little bit and shut them out, and then let them back in.... (So basically I am definitely a woman.) But in all seriousness, I have a genuine fear of anyone hurting me in any way so I have chosen to focus on other things rather than my friendships or relationships. Recently, I have realized that this fear was another way that Satan was trying to let my past dictate my present and future. I basically reacted a little strangely... I got mad! I was mad I had unknowingly let myself be led by such instincts as these. So I decided to let go of that fear and let old friends back into my life and I have even dated a little bit. Woah. Fear is not of the Lord. This step of not letting my fears dictate my future has been one of my final healing threads. I am finally free. I can move on and live my life in the present, appreciate where I have been, and work with God on my future.
I know that Heavenly Father is my biggest advocate and I know that He loves me unconditionally. I know that He has a plan for everyone of you and that if we just believe that and embrace that and his gospel, we will truly find the happiness we as humans are constantly seeking. So my message today is large but if you take anything away from this, just appreciate your past and where it has taken you. The trials we go through shape who we are and we should only show gratitude for those situations. Love where you are.
(Disclaimer: None of this is doctrine from the prophets, it is my own journey that lead me to total commitment to the gospel of Jesus Christ.)
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